Friday, January 03, 2014

Questions from a new dad (#1)


Dear Sharon, Lois and Bram,

"One elephant went out to play,"

I get it. Elephants are cute, and we all like to play. Now imagine an elephant playing! I see where you're going. Heck, imagine if it was a baby elephant playing! The possibilities are endless. This is going to be a great song!

"Upon a spider's web one day."

Ok, hold up.

A spiderweb? First off, have you guys seen an elephant? They are big.
Secondly, when's the last time anyone went to play in a spiderweb?

Where are you going with this? Is it perhaps a tiny-pigmy elephant that is yet to be discovered? Because that would be the cutest thing ever of all time imagined. But the fact that it's on a spiderweb means it is in grave danger. RUN TINY PIGMY ELEPHANT!!!

Or is this the world's largest arachnid?
I'm trying to put my kid to sleep here and you're on the verge of giving ME nightmares! If an elephant is on a spiderweb, imagine the immense proportions of the spider. And since you have stated that it is just an "elephant" I have foregone the conclusion that this is the undiscovered micro pachyderm of my dreams.
Spiders make webs not to play on, but instead to catch their prey.
You are singing about death, and by your voices, I can tell that you are smiling!

This is not nice.

So lets be realistic. An elephant going onto a spider web to play, will truly result in a sticky mess where the web is trampled and the spider is destroyed (or left homeless).

"He had such enormous fun,"

Ummmm... So let me get this straight.

He actually got on the spiderweb and there was no resulting damage?
And you still just refer to him as an elephant (no special mouse-sized breed living in the far depths of an isolateed jungle). My guess is that by your use of the word "enormous" you must be comparing his actual size to the amount of pleasure being had. Therefore it is now safe to say that he is a regular sized elephant (Asian or African, yet to be determined).

This spider is damn huge! RUN. SAVE YOURSELF!!!!!

"That he called for another elephant to come!"

Have you lost your mind!!!!!
Two elephants, on the web of death?
I do not support this motion.

The atrocities of this song have led me to discontinue any further play of this track. I fear the outcome will be too tragic for my liking and I do not wish to expose my son to the possible catastrophe lingering in the later verses.

I wish you well with your endeavors.

Good day,
Amn Johal

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