HOLLAFEST '07

It's that time of year again people:

www.onedrunkdriveway.blogspot.com

4:55 (season 1)

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:45PM AND 4:00PM

*leaving Fort Langley early, Amn says bye to his coworkers*

Amn: catch ya later guys

guys: see ya later, get home safe

Amn: you too, peace out

*Amn starts the car and brushes snow off of it, goes back in the car and listens to the traffic report on the radio*

AM 730: ..obviously today's weather has brought much chaos to traffic this afternoon, we advise you again, if you don't have to drive anywhere, please stay home and off the roads... trouble out of Langley right now where snow is falling like "cotton balls"... 232nd is closed north of highway 1 too hilly and way too slippery, Glover Road is closed between Trinity West and 88th avenue, also creating chaos is the closure of 88th, just west of Glover as vehicles are having quite the challenge getting up those hills. 5 sailing wait on the Albion ferry out of Fort Langley, won't help much anyways since the Lougheed Hwy is closed for the moment too due to a 5 car pile-up. Highway 1 already is a mess in both directions like it has been all morning, best bet now is to stay out of the car and wait things through or if you know a safe shortcut on the side road, try to use it....

*this leaves Amn with 2 options to get out of Fort Langley. Either take 96th avenue through Port Kells all the way to the 176th street overpass, or take River Road to 264th and drive straight to Fraser Hwy and try his luck that way. Amn opts for 96th Ave.*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 4PM AND 4:15 PM

*heading west on 96th avenue, at the 200th st. intersection*

AM 730: ...be advised, 200th street is deadlocked south of hwy 1, please use an alternate route...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 4:15PM AND 430PM

*snowing heavily, traffic on 96th is moving at a snail's pace. Amn reaches the 192nd st intersection, still heading west on 96th Ave*

AM 730: ... Hwy 1 is still deadlocked, semis are apparently stopping in the lanes to put on chains before they reach the Port Mann Bridge. Please use an alternate route and keep your distance from the car in front of you... there are a few cars in the ditches on Fraser Hwy, east of 168th street, traffic is slow as we still await plows to come to that area, please use extreme caution if driving around the Fraser Hwy and 176th st, or anywhere for that matter...

*phone rings, it's Amn's eldest sister, Gurjit*

Amn: hello?

Gurjit: hey Amn, we're heading into Langley, where are you?

Amn: stuck in Port Kells

Gurjit: any news on the traffic?

Amn: ya, don't take Fraser Hwy

Gurjit: oh shoot, we're already on it

Amn: well you're screwed

Gurjit: well if you need to, just stop by our place and wait it out

Amn: I would, but right now I can't seem to find a way to get over the freeway

Gurjit: alright, drive carefully

Amn: no, I choose today to be maniacal

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 4:30PM AND 5PM

*Amn is at the intersection of 96th Ave. and 190th St. He's moved a whole two blocks in half an hour. Ranbir, Amn's 2nd oldest sister calls*

Amn: hello?

Ranbir: hey are you on your way home?

Amn: I'm trying, it's only been an hour so far

Ranbir: ok, just to let you know i may need a ride to teach my class at Kwantlen by 6

Amn: ok, i should be home by then

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 5PM AND 5:15PM

*Amn has just driven no more than 10 metres since we last left him. his phone rings, it's his girlfriend*

Amn: hello

Heather: hi baby, how you doin

Amn: fine, what's to be expected really

Heather: still driving home?

Amn: yup, but i left work 45 minutes earlier

Heather: oh my God, how long has it been

Amn: oh, only 90 minutes

*traffic starts to move*

Amn: oh, it looks like i'm moving, can i call you back

Heather: it's okay, i'll call you when i get off work

Amn: i'm still pickin' you up from the skytrain station right?

Heather: ya, i'll call you, love you.

Amn: love you too

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 5:15PM AND 5:30PM

*Amn has almost reached 186th st, heading west on 96th Avenue. He notices lights flashing from a couple of police cars a few cars ahead. police officer reaches his car. Amn hides his gun (just kidding) and rolls down the window*

Police Officer: you're all going to have to turn around, two semis and a bunch of cars just piled up, this road is closed

Amn: SONOFABITCH!

AM 730: ...this just in, 96th avenue in Port Kells is pure havoc. traffic is at a standstill and... wait, this just in from the RCMP, that road is now closed between 176th and 186th streets, seems like a serious accident, so hundreds of people in Port Kells just getting off work will have to be re-routed...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 5:30PM AND 5:32PM

*Amn turns his truck around only to see a semi (driving a little to fast) hit his brakes and jacknife in the middle of the street. Amn and a few dozen other motorists are now trapped on an icy block of 96th avenue with big fenced warehouse yards on one side, and a deep ditch on the other. they are now blocked westbound by the police and the pileup, and eastbound by the jacknifed semi*

Amn: this can't be happening

*Amn gets out of his car, to look and see if there is any possible way out.. there isn't*

Amn: this can't be happening

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 5:32PM AND 5:45PM

AM 730: ... this just in, a semi has now jacknifed on 96th avenue, blocking traffic between 190th and 186th. and again, 96th avenue is closed between 176th and 186th... in the midst of all this mayhem, i would have to say, Port Kells is probably the last place any motorist wants to be today...

*Amn turns off the radio*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 5:45PM AND 6:05PM

*after a bunch of pushing by angry motorists and yelling and lots of forward and reverse by the semi, it manages to free itself and traffic can flow smoothly once again. Now our hero is driving backwards (east on 96th) to get back to 192nd st. and take that exit to get on the freeway*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 6:05PM AND 6:15PM

*phone rings, it's Heather*

Amn: hello?

Heather: hi baby, are you home yet?

Amn: you really want to know?

Heather: oh no, what's wrong

Amn: you know where i was when you called me an hour ago?

Heather: ya?

Amn: well i'm back there.

Heather: WHAH?

Amn: ya, they closed the road, then a truck jacknifed and I was stuck for an hour now i'm about to get on the freeway...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 6:15PM AND 6:16PM

*Amn is on the phone still with Heather*

Amn:... right now! Giddyup, I'm halfway home. So by this time, I'll probably pick you up before I go home.

Heather: are you sure? is that okay?

Amn: ya, it's Wednesday, it's our night together. Just check to see if the buses are running and if you can make it safely. otherwise, if it's too dangerous just call me and we'll just go out on friday. best to be safe

Heather: okay, love you, call you in a bit

Amn: love you too

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 6:16PM AND 6:40PM

*Amn has reached the 176th street exit and takes it, to get back on 96th avenue. This time on the south of Hwy 1. He's halfway home. Phone rings, it's Heather*

Amn: hi

Heather: hi

Amn: it's really treacherous

Heather: ya... i think it may be safe if i stay home, don't know how long it would take me to get into surrey

Amn: so true so true. it's only the fourth Wednesday we've missed....

*the rest of the convo is too mushy, so it has been omitted to benefit the gag reflex of the readers*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 6:40PM AND 7:10PM

*phone rings, it's Gurjit's husband, Harry*

Amn: hello?

Harry: hey, so how was the commute

Amn: I'm still on it

Harry: Whah?

Amn: Too much to explain, but let's just say I had to turn the truck of for more than half an hour because i wasn't moving, and then i wasted almost a whole hour only to be turned around... not pleased.

Harry: heheheehe, alright well just call when you get home, you know you could have just come to Langley and stayed at our place

Amn: I WOULD HAVE IF THERE WAS A WAY TO GET THERE... sorry, too much driving

Harry: hehehe, understood, good luck

*after much winding and manouvering, Amn makes it to within two blocks of home*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:10PM AND 7:15PM

*Amn calls Heather*

Heather: hello

Amn: hi

Heather: please tell me you're home

Amn: just pulling in front of the house right now

*more mushy stuff*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:15PM AND 7:18PM

*Amn parks on the curb and walks into the house, greeted by his mother*

Mom: you're home

Amn: ya, only took 3 and a half hours!

Mom: hehehe. Now go shovel the driveway

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:18PM AND 7:50PM

*Amn shovels the driveway, and the sidewalk and salts both as well*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:50PM AND 7:55PM

*Amn goes to his room to get a change of clothes, sets his VCR to start recording FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, heads to the bathroom to shower*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:55PM AND 8:15PM

*Amn showers, and cleans himself up quite nicely*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:15PM AND 8:30PM

*Amn heads to the kitchen. Mom made him some Macaroni and cheese with spicy chicken wings. Amn decides that the best drink to compliment this would be a nice big glass of chocolate milk. Heading back to his room with his dinner, Amn slightly stumbles and spills the chocolate milk all over himself*

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:30PM AND 8:40PM

*Amn changes shirts and makes himself another glass of chocolate milk. Calls Heather*

Heather: hello?

Amn: you won't believe how i just capped off this night....

THE END

My New Year's Resolution

YES

I was one of the few people in the world that actually kept my new year's resolution last year.

Eat more celery!

That I have! I made it my personal mission to eat as much as possible, be it on a veggie platter, or with blue cheese dressing to go with my chicken wings.

So what shall be this year's resolution? Something a bit bigger I guess.

This year's resolution would be to spend more time on the phone with my girlfriend and cutting out distractions when I do so. Things like the computer and T.V. will be turned off so I can focus more on the phone. I've always been horrible when talking on the phone.

So that's my resolution, let's see if I can keep it.

SNAP!

Back in November while doing some intense Christmas shopping, my girlfriend Heather experienced a freak accident.

The impact of this collision caused the bone in the end digit of her left hand to literally snap. If you look closer, you can notice that the end of her thumb is bulging quite a bit towards her index finger. This is caused by the broken bone which had shifted itself into a 45-degree angle.

IS THAT COOL OR WHAT!

This is an xray of a good hand. However, to give us broader perspective of this, if you look closely at #4 on this picture, you are looking at the interphalangeal joint of the thumb (thanks Google.com). Just above this joint is the end digit of Heather's thumb, which snapped in half.

She was terrified that she may have to face surgery for it. I thought it would be cool to have screws put into it and then I could brag to everyone that my girlfriend has a robo-thumb.

After weeks of keeping it in a splint, meeting with a specialist hand-doctor, and having to shower with a plastic bag over her hand, Heather's thumb has recovered extremely well without having to go into surgery.

You can tell by her smile.

OH MY GOD HER THUMB FELL OFF! .... oooohhh wait, it's behind her middle finger.

What if...?

If U.S. Senator, Barack Obama and the Dalai Lama were to meet and somehow concluded that a solution to all of the worlds problems lies in baking...



we bring you....


OBAMA-LAMA-DING-DONGS!



MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....creamy