For Heather

Explain this to me...

At the HMV yesterday and was looking to buy the tenth anniversary edition of Kevin Smith's masterpiece, CLERKS. You know... just to get well into it again before the sequel comes out in theatres next friday.

Anyways, looking for the film, i found it in the usual comedy rack, priced at $42.99

On my way to the cashier, i glanced at the "movies on sale" rack. Looked at the bottom which had the special vaccuum sealed 2 movies for 19.99 and noticed "Mallrats" was on one of the packages.

Turning it over to see what film was packaged with it, i was shocked to see it was the 10th anniversary edition of CLERKS. Packaged with MALLRATS, but for less than half the price of what i would pay if i were to purchase CLERKS alone.

So looking back:

10th anniversary edition of CLERKS: $42.99

10th anniversary edition of CLERKS, with MALLRATS: $19.99

i asked the cashier what was up with that, she looked like a deer in the headlights.

Rest In Peace

To the gopher I ran over on the Deerfoot Freeway between Calgary and Edmonton.

(While driving hungover on Saturday Morning)

AVIS rent a car

went to return the van a rented this afternoon

in four days of driving, i travelled 2558.6 kms

thank god the mileage was unlimited

welcome to the family

So my girlfriend, Heather, stayed at my house for the week of the wedding and got to know alot of the family.

Then came the incident

There is a moment during the wedding day in the brown tradition, when the groom comes to the home of the bride to take her to his house.

When entering, as always, the bride's sisters and friends try to steal the groom's shoes and hold them for ransom.

the groom's cousin, jessie, grabbed the groom's shoes to prevent the theft. she got the first one, then she went to rescue the second

heather turned to me and said "should i get in there?"

"if you want to, sure" i replied

the next thing you know, my girlfriend was airborne, lunging at jessie, determined to get the shoe.

before you knew it, both girls were rolling around on the floor, each with an equal amount of shoe within their grasp.

so much commotion and laughter the scene was unreal.

then we heard a scream, sounded like heather

"you okay, what happened?" i asked

"SHE JUST BIT ME" yelled heather

lots of laughter

"WELL BITE HER BACK!" i yelled

then we heard jessie yell

total chaos

after a few minutes of intense wrestling, the older ladies told heather it was okay to let go, and she did, yet she was still shaking from a adrenaline rush.

i went to see if she was okay, i noticed her holding her wrist

"oh my god, she really bit you!" i said. then i turned to jessie and yelled "you bit my girlfriend??!?!!!??"

then jessie held up her arm to reveal deep teethmarks

i looked back at heather "you bit her back?"

"HELL YA!" she replied

all the ladies laughed so hard. i think that was the moment they truly accepted her as one of their own

welcome to the family!

The speech

I was told that i had to do a speech for my sister's wedding.

Here it is:

Parminder has always looked for the ideal man. Someone intelligent, charming, with good looks and a sense of humor. But enough about me. Instead she found Raj.

As for Raj, there isn’t much I can really say about the guy from the times I’ve hung out with him, aside from the fact that he likes pizza, enjoys watching the Transformers cartoons, and that he can fix my back. But I plan on getting to know him in this upcoming future he has with this family. So in the meantime let’s focus on what I do know, shall we…. My wonderful sister Pinday.

On January 20th, 1978, my parents welcomed Parminder into this world. Their third child and the apple of my father’s eye. On January 20th, 1980, while celebrating her second birthday, Parm’s party was cut short as our mom was rushed to the hospital to give birth to me, a wonderful, lovable, huggable, great looking baby brother. She has never forgiven me since.

In the 26 years that we’ve known each other, and all the birthday cakes we have shared, any normal person would believe that the sibling rivalry between her and I is quite intense. Both competing for our parents attention, so much so, that legend has it that Pinday would sneak into the bedroom when I was a baby, and steal my bottle from within my weak grasps, and have it for herself. She apparently also pushed me down a flight of stairs when I was three.

While growing up, Parminder has held more nicknames than the average person; Pinday, Parm, PJ, Mindy, Peeso, Peesinee, and my personal favourite, The Communist. The last one was created by your’s truly.

Now the reason for the title of “The Communist” is meant to be humorous, but there is some truth behind it. Namely the fact that she has always looked upon everyone in the world as equals, and has fought desperately for the rights of those who had trouble fending for themselves. Holding nothing back, she has always strived to succeed for true justice in all matters. Hence the fact that even when we were in elementary school, she always aspired to become a lawyer.

When graduating from high school as the president of the Multicultural Club, Pinday received a jawdropping large scholarship to help her through university. Becoming a lawyer was always in the back of her mind, but her first focus was getting into social work, again to redeem her communist ways and help those who could not help themselves.

On October 25th, 1999, our father passed away. True, it was a sad time in all our lives, but it also made mom and the four of us kids much stronger. We all grew closer in that time, and matured a great deal. Truthfully though, I believe that was when Pinday really decided to take up her lifelong dream and go ahead with the challenge of law school and become what she truly wanted to be. The dedication she had during those days spent in Victoria or way over in Toronto was a strength in her that I still look up to.

So today, we are all here to celebrate this joyous occasion. The marriage Raj and Pinday. But I am also here to thank her, and my other sisters, Geetay and Neenay, and of course mom, for raising me, and helping me become the person I am today.

Oh…. You guys thought I was finished didn’t you? HAHA… little do you know.

Let us change the focus now to Raj:

Welcome to the family, it’s not everyday that we see a new member to the clan. Let me remind you however, that you have joined this family through choice. Under your own will, you were not forced under any circumstances.

With you now being new to the family, I have taken it upon myself to help with a few pointers on surviving life with Pinday:

1- Just smile and nod

2- You are now married. No refunds or exchange, all transactions are final!

3- If you are ever sued for malpractice, you have a wife who will save your ass

4- If she gives you a project to do with a deadline, do not procrastinate

5- To calm her nerves, play some of the greasiest early 90’s Punjabi music you can find. Anything by the saffri boys or heera will do. Even new kids on the block or bryan adams for that matter.

6- Buy her a dog

7- If you are watching hockey, you cheer for the canucks

8- If you can drive standard well, she’ll claim that she’s the one who taught you

9- Apparently she can kick anybody’s ass in kickboxing… as long as you don’t move.

10- When you find that you need some alone time for yourself and she hangs around the room to annoy you, follow these steps:

a. Stick out index finger
b. Lick the end of your finger
c. Try to touch her with it.

This also works if your have something that she wants, such as the remote control to the t.v. it just all depends on which household objects you are willing to lick.

Anyways, I believe I’ve spent long enough up here on stage so I will return to my natural resting place, the bar.

But I leave you, Raj, with the same words I said to my other brother-in-laws, Harry and Roopie, on their wedding days: “You hurt her, and I’ll kill you”

And to Pinday, we love you with all our hearts, and just like you’ve been there for us for all these years, we will kindly return the favour whenever you need it.

apparently they liked it.

Dr. and Mrs. Singh

Finally, the Communist is officially someone else's problem.

hehehehe, i kidd i kidd

The wedding went well on July 1st. Thankfully it also got me out of Fort Langley on the busiest day of the year.
Hot hot weather proved that wearing a suit can be quite the challenge.

The days before the wedding were quite hectic around the house with family coming from all over the globe to give their wassup to the bride.

So much to be done that i was actually handed an itinerary of events, and where i was to be on each hour of the days before, of, and after the wedding.

Apparently my largest responsibility was to be the chauffeur for the photographer and his wife. They were friends of my sister and came down from Montreal, and he was willing to take all the photographs of the wedding for free. Nice people really, and now i have an invite and a place to stay if i ever choose to go to Montreal.

A nice thing though, was that my sister rented a car for me (Chrysler 300), so i could drive around in class. I think she had had enough of my pathfinder with moose antlers in the back (see previous posts)

First big day was the ladies party on the thursday night at the bear creek hall. i think they call it the raja banquet centre now. my big responsibility there was to throw a tailgate party from my pathfinder in the parking lot for all the men while the ladies partied inside. one thing we forgot about was the abundance of mosquitoes.

Friday was nuts around the house as there were tons of girls running around with mendhi all over there hands and unable to touch anything, trying to boss me around. I stayed hidden in the basement. My mom and aunts were all busy cooking sweets for the big event.

The wedding day (as expected) was the busiest day of them all, and as predicted, did manage to fall a little bit behind schedule. Yet with the wondrous fashion sense of my girlfriend, Heather, i did manage to look good through it all. Yes... i wore a pink tie.

The reception was held on Sunday night, with it being a long weekend, it was pretty good planning. Apparently my sister, Ranbir and i were chosen to be the MC s of the occasion. there were a couple of performances and speeches, including one by me, but i don't remember that much more, since i was quite hammered. I did pay for the booze, so i thought i should drink some as well.

The days after were full of cleaning up and paying bills and taking care of what needed to be done. Wednesday, the 5th of July, i had to go pick up the dodge caravan i rented, and then begin the drive to Calgary at midnight.

we chose to go to calgary first, because i have a lot of family there and i hadn't really visited them in 10 years, so i thought now would be a great time to go.

This past saturday was the second reception the grooms family held in edmonton, for family members from his side that were unable to make it to the coast for the wedding. again, i drank quite a bit.

Finally yesterday we drove back home from edmonton. 10 and a half hours of joy!

so here i am today. and boy am i glad that i don't have to work until friday.

True true, it's been a few days

But i can explain, my sister got married and i was busy.

But now i can tell you all about it.

From my own pocket

Suit, couple of shirts and ties - $700

Booze for guests at the house and wedding reception - $1750.78

Car rental with cousin's discount to go to Edmonton for second reception - $272.00

Gas for round trip to Calgary, Edmonton and back home - $273.00

Fact that all three sisters are finally married - Priceless

Thankfully the rest was paid for.