Is it just me... or did RETURN OF THE KING have way too many scenes where you thought two guys were gonna kiss?

Watched THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST (twice now). extremely powerful in terms of how it is filmed. Not just with the religious themes, but also with themes of mother/son, good and evil, yada yada yada.

But what strikes me most about this movie is that for the next few days... we brown folk can sit back and watch white people fight with one another, and know that we had nothing to do with it!

Sure they laughed at the browns during the "tables and chairs" debacle... but people.... this is just a movie. And it's only one person's view of what happened. Don't take it seriously... but respect it for what it is... a well made movie.

So the Oscars are coming up

some of my fellow readers have asked me what my predictions are for this "big night"

very few of you know that I have boycotted the Oscars for the past few years.

it's pointless really... You see, the academy awards have lost their merit completely. So what if they have more than 5000 voters. The process really isn't that fair. Most of those voting are high-brow old age morons who haven't a clue as to what the fuss was all about when bush went attacking the Iraqis for weapons of mass destructions (which he'll soon claim are hidden under all the oil in Iraq, and all they have to do is extract all of the oil and they'll find the weapons)

anyways, these voters are biased. Of course they'll vote for their friends, or whomever bribes them best.

the truly good movies out there are chosen in film festivals like Cannes, as well as from critic's associations

not by millionaires in Hollywood

but nonetheless, you're all bound to still watch it. 4 hours of useless banter when you know that the lord of the rings is going to run away with the lot.

sure, LOTR is a good flick, but you know it'll win all the awards now because the academy will probably look at all three movies as one. That's why Jackson was snubbed the past two years. But this is a year with better films in my view than THE RETURN OF THE KING

my choice for best picture would be CITY OF GOD. But don't expect that to win because the fuckers forgot to nominate it last year, and hence nominated it this year for other awards like direction and cinematography. The damn hoochies didn't even nominate it in the foreign category. You want to see a raw movie that just runs on the power of emotion, go and watch city of god. You wanna be like every couch potato with no life and just follow others and do what they do, watch the lord of the rings and cheer them on as they win. My second choice would be Mystic River. Great ensemble cast, great direction, perfect pace, great location, and to top things off, quite the touchy subject to make a film on. Not far behind though would be 21 Grams. To me, a great movie is something that will leave you thinking about it when you go to bed that night. Both mystic river and 21 grams kept me up for days.

best actor would go to Sean Penn. Hands down, without a doubt. Only way I can explain it is for you to go and watch mystic river. If you don't buy into his acting there, just follow up that movie with 21 grams.

clearly the best actress is bound to go to Charlize Theron, who changed her looks from being on my top ten list to looking like one of the night walking hoochies on king george and 108th, behind the shell station (yeah you know what I'm talking about)
but my pick would be Keisha castle-hughes.
never heard of her? I thought so, you Hollywood brainwashed bigots. Go rent WHALE RIDER and you'll see what I'm talking about. Quite the broad range of acting from such a young person. If she has a good agent, she'll go far.

best supporting actor... hmmmm. I'd probably give it to Benicio del Toro for an unbelievable performance in 21 Grams. But the academy will probably note that "hey... he won it for traffic a few years back.... let's let someone else enjoy it" so they'll probably give it to Tim Robbins for mystic river as their way of saying "sorry for forgetting about you in past years, you want this one?"

supporting actress I would give to Marcia gay harden, no one could play the role of a confused woman, who thinks her husband is a killer so she arranges to have him killed, better than her. Enough said.

cinematography... I would have to give to seabiscuit. For that was the only excuse I could find for this movie having the ability to make me sit on the edge of my seat and cheer on a horse. For the love of Pete.

I would give the directing award to Sofia Coppola for LOST IN TRANSLATION, just like her father (Francis ford) she has mastered the art of patience when filming a scene. Very few in the world can do such a thing. The masters of course being Akira Kurosawa and Stanley Kubrick.

editing is probably the only true award I would give to lord of the rings. Following the book, it keeps the most important detail and keeps the pace going throughout.

and finally best writing would be given to LOST IN TRANSLATION, because... simply put,,,, sometimes "less is more" you don't need many words to create a great film, all you need is emotion.

but really now, no one is going to take my word for any of this, nor should you. This is just my opinion.

besides, the LOTR trilogy is quite a monument in moviemaking. It'll stick with the history of film and in everyone's minds just like THE WIZARD OF OZ.

but I'm not going to watch a 4 hour show that declared a bollywood wannabe as the best film a few years back. If these people in the academy were true film enthusiasts, they would watch films from all around the world, and then they would have realized that this "epic" is a mere ripoff of the common bollywood love story.

for those of you living under a rock for the past few years... cancel that.... MOST OF YOUR LIFE, bollywood is the movie industry in India which pops out more than twice as many movies as hollywood each year. But anyways, the typical love story goes as follows (it hasn't really changed in the past few decades):
-poor boy
-rich girl
-poor boy likes rich girl
-rich girl doesn't like poor boy
-poor boy saves rich girl's life
-rich girl falls in love with poor boy
-rich girls family doesn't approve, and besides, they already have someone else lined up for her
-poor boy and rich girl run off
-new faggot with rich family tries to find the girl and fight the poor boy
-either the poor boy or the rich girl dies, but their love is everlasting

remind you of something
that's right

titanic

that's right, I didn't type titanic in capital letters cause it doesn't deserve to be.

so if you're the type of person who watches the academy awards to see which movies you should buy on DVD that year to make you're collection appear scholarly I feel very sad for you

no one should need to see which movie wins an award to make it their favourite. There are different things that effect people in different ways. Just watch as many movies as you can and make the call yourself.

like the movie SMOKE SIGNALS for instance. Not exactly the greatest film of all time, but one of my favourites, because the final monologue struck me personally.

and on that note, I'll end this edition of the kwyjibo

follow your heart.

What The F*@! ?

This was on CNN.COM when I checked this morning:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Just like J.Lo and Ben, the romance is over for Barbie and Ken.

After 43 years as one of the world's prettiest pairs, the perfect plastic couple is breaking up. The couple's "business manager," Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that Barbie and Ken "feel it's time to spend some quality time -- apart."

"Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood romance has come to an end," said Arons, who quickly added that the duo "will remain friends."

Arons denied that there was any truth to rumors that the breakup was linked to the Cali (as in California) Girl Barbie, arriving in stores now. To better reflect her single status, Cali Barbie will wear board shorts and a bikini top, metal hoop earrings, and have a deeper tan.

This new style already has attracted a new admirer, Blaine the Australian boogie boarder.

Barbie -- the most popular fashion doll in the world, according to toy maker Mattel -- met Ken on the set of a TV commercial in 1961, and they have been inseparable ever since.

Arons hinted Wednesday that the separation may be partially due to Ken's reluctance to getting married. All those bridal Barbie dolls in toy chests around the globe are really just examples of Barbie's wishful thinking, she explained.

Another possible factor is Barbie's career. The doll who was "born" Barbie Millicent Roberts in 1959 has been everything from a rock star to military medic, and she's currently marketed in more than 150 countries. According to Mattel, every second, three Barbie dolls are sold somewhere in the world.

So where does that leave Ken? Said Arons: "He will head for other waves."

Just what the hell is the world coming to when cnn.com has to put up news that ken and barbie split up. They're pieces of plastic you dumbass!

Besides, we all knew barbie was a ho. I called it back in grade 3. Dumb hoochie slut, parading her plastic ass off every weekday afternoon and saturday mornings. But did you see her on T.V. on friday nights? noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

That's cause dumb bimbobarbie was shakin her thing in her pink doll house that she converted into a club, while ken was at work making an honest dollar to buy her the fuckin pink cadillac that she drives during the summer with her friends and not him.

Definately a hoochie. Never kept a solid job, always changed her looks and groups of friends and music preferences, and now to top things off, she's a cougar pickin up aussies.

Ken's got it rough now though. Think about it, what chick out there would want to go out with a guy with no dick? Come to think of it... i think ken's a fag. not gay... fag (see previous entry for the difference).

ponder for a moment if you will, this dude wear's sweatervests, there's a doll of him that comes with a little toy poodle, and i swear i've seen him in capri's. Actually, he reminds me of a fag that one of my manager's at the theatre used to date.

But getting back to the topic at hand... just what the hell is this news item doing on the top new lists of the day on cnn.com???

The last two days have seen suicide bombers kill nearly 100 people in Iraq, Israeli and Palestinian tensions are nearing all time highs on the gaza strip, North Korea has unveiled documents about weapons that they've tested on humans, scientists are beginning to clone human embryos, and space rovers are finally learning more and more about the martian surface.

But that's not big news to CNN.COM

To them, the story of the day is that ken and barbie have split up and decided to go their own ways, followed by a story on Harvard University officials approving the publication of a racy erotic magazine on campus.

Wait a minute.....

did someone say "erotic magazine"???.........

brb!

Forget about Justin exposing Janet's breast at the end of the halftime show.

What I found amusing was the marching band at the beginning.
I saw it as the National Football League's way of telling the audience of over 100 million people, "We couldn't get Outkast!"

I would have rather watched an NFL quarterback challenge sponsored by Nike during the halftime, then a musically laced star studded show brought to you by MTV.

While watching it though, I came to some conclusions:

- I am no longer attracted to Janet Jackson because she freakishly reminds me too much of her brother.

- Will someone please buy Justin Timberlake a suit so he can return the outfit he won during a bumfights.com video.

- Jessica Simpson confirmed the fact that she is a moron, with the halftime show trusting her with just 4 words, "get up and party."

- Who else would soup-up a golf cart with 20" rims but Nelly and the St. Lunatics.

- P. Diddy appeared to be the only sensible one during the whole show (and that's sad)

- And finally, Kid Rock is a cheap Bastard. Apparently he couldn't afford a Patriots Jersey so he decided to cut a hole in the centre of an American flag and wear it like a poncho.

But then again, it all makes me proud to be Canadian.